I've been thinking about writing a post on this topic a lot lately. This post has taken a while to write and I hope all of my thoughts and feelings come through the way I intend them to. As many of you know before Jiu-Jitsu I was heavily involved with Hapkido. This will be a continuation and addressing some topics from the previous post: For those of you wondering why. Please read that for a little background.
I considered Hapkido as a defining characteristic of what is me. I have its Chinese characters tattooed on my chest. One of the reasons I joined the Marines was because my Hapkido instructor is a former Marine. I created instructional videos for YouTube and got quite a lot of good feedback. I remember thinking that I would practice and teach Hapkido for the rest of my life.
Looking back, I was delusional about my skill level. I honestly thought that I could kick ass if the shit hit the fan, but I had really not been challenging myself for a long time. I tried, I upped our amount of sparring in class, I practiced as much as I could, I visited other martial arts classes. Alas, ultimately I needed more advanced training partners and I needed to learn more.
I have come to the conclusion that in order to be good at a martial art, competition is the most important piece (not the only piece). In my opinion it's the only way to gain confidence in the techniques that you practice. This sparks several debates in the martial arts community concerning sport vs self defense and techniques that are unsafe for competition. I'm not trying to solve that debate here, but the more I delve into BJJ the more I think the "dirty" or "deadly" techniques are not worth practicing as much as safe reliable "sport" techniques. I put that in quotes because almost all of the sporting techniques can be devastating if taken to that level.
I've kept a little Hapkido/Ground Fighting going with a small group of people once a week. Slowly it has been stripped down to a groundfighting class. I have mentioned to my training partners that I don't feel confident in many of the Hapkido techniques anymore.
Probably the strangest thing is, I don't feel like I am as good at Hapkido as I am at Jiu-Jitsu. Putting my 20 years of Hapkido against my 2 years of Jiu-Jitsu should be a given that Hapkido would win. Sure there are aspects within Hapkido that I don't get in BJJ: Punching, Kicking, Weapons, dealing with self defense type scenarios, etc. The fact that it covered so much ground is one of the positive aspects I saw in Hapkido. I would also contend that it was one of it's biggest faults. You have to work really hard to be good at all of these things, and there is really only so much time per class that can be spent on a given topic. Although, I wouldn't be as good at BJJ if I had started with no martial arts experience. While it may not sound like it, we did train very hard. I just think the competition piece was missing.
The most difficult part about all of this is losing the relationship with my Hapkido instructor. Although, I'm bashing Hapkido here, it has been a positive part of my life. I felt more confident in myself after I started martial arts. I had a rough time in junior high school and I started to come out of my shell after martial arts training. I was interested in martial arts from a very young age, and once I was able to do it I poured my heart and soul into it. It was my personal activity that I felt like I was good at. It gave me the confidence to make it through Marine bootcamp, to work at detox and the county jail. I am my instructor's only Hapkido black belt and me quitting may result in his teachings not being passed on. I looked up to my instructor and respect him still. However, I have not had an authentic conversation with him since I started my BJJ training. This makes me very sad and has been hard to deal with. In a way it has also allowed me to move on.
My original idea when starting Jiu-Jitsu was to refine pieces of Hapkido through other martial arts. I'd train ground fighting for a little while and then bring it back. Maybe I'd find a good place to learn some weapon techniques, train more with Taekwondo or take up some boxing to round myself out. I'm loving the BJJ culture so much and have high hopes of someday attaining a black belt that I see the prospect of going back to Hapkido very slim.
I used to be so gung-ho about self defense. Which others have cautioned my neglect of. They lecture me about the drawbacks of BJJ being only on the ground and the lack of striking, and what if you have to fight 10 ninjas with glass, dirty needles, and lava on the floor. Yes it is true that we primarily fight each other on the ground and don't have good answers for fighting multiple people (really what martial art does?). But, against an untrained person I like to use the quote "The ground is my ocean. I am the shark and most people don't even know how to swim."
Self defense no longer concerns me. I'm having fun and love what I'm doing now. It's the equivalent of human chess. It challenges my mind and body. I have friends that I train with that are just as passionate as I am and we challenge ourselves and make each other better.
So, who am I supposed to be? A Hapkido guy that's dabbling in Jiu-Jitsu? A Jiu-Jitsu guy that used to do Hapkido? Do I need to remove this tattoo or add a new one? Am I forgetting my roots and being disrespectful to my former art and instructor? At the end of the day I have to do what feels right for me and I couldn't be more satisfied.
Josh, I'd like to offer a few thoughts, if I may, while I wait for an Oracle database server to be patched and restarted. I am a little distracted as my colleagues and I are conducting our quarterly patching exercise. It'd be great if we were done by 2 am.
ReplyDeleteMy 10-year old son is named Joshua. When he was little, say 3, I'd ask him "How are you?" He'd say "I'm just Josh." I think he was saying "This is who and how I am right now, at the instant you asked me 'How are you?'" Your essay about BJJ and Hapkido strikes me the same way. This is who you are at this moment. Maybe you're in a slow transition from one style to another. But consider this: would you have tried BJJ if you were not already an experienced Hapkido player?
Your love of Hapkido is not misplaced. That art gave you great experience, the opportunity to master an art, the privilege of teaching - and the necessary foundation for your new practice. Later in life, things will change again.
When you're a creaky old guy, you probably won't be going to the ground, except with your grandchildren. You won't be able to tolerate joint locks, and you may not be able to apply those locks as effectively as you once did. But you may practice Tai Chi, not because Tai Chi invincible in combat, but because it helps an older dude keep his balance. Heck, it may help you be a good shot with a firearm - maybe Tai Chi will help you be invincible in combat in ways you didn't expect!
Hapkido to BJJ. BJJ to, I don't know, Tai Chi. Tai Chi help you keep your balance and not fall down when you're an old man. All those arts have a different theme or emphasis. Yet all are concerned with the human body in motion, and above all allow you to explore human relationships under stress, but with safety.
There's a story about Morehei Ueshiba O'Sensei, the Founder of Aikido. A drunk guy at a train station approached O'Sensei angrily, with a broken bottle in his hand. What does O'Sensei do? Calms the guy down, gives him a hug, and listens to him. Buys him some food. In a moment he's completely transformed the situation and has a friend for life (though maybe not a friend he wants). It took a lifetime of practice to make that encounter possible. I respectfully suggest his technique was matchless and unbeatable because it was the correct response in that moment. Another, different moment might have called for a different response.
Writing this has given me a tiny bit of insight into some Zen stuff I read years ago and never understood. "When you have attained the Way, you are like a dragon swimming effortlessly in the deep, or a tiger at ease in the forest." When you see a situation for what it actually is, and not what you think it is, you have a much better chance of acting appropriately in-the-moment. Having that mind, borne of practice, keeping that mind, moment-to-moment-to-moment, leaves you ready, willing, able, and free to be "Just Josh." Nothing could be better than that!
Sir, I wish you contentment and peace-of-mind.
I could've almost written this post if you substituted karate for hapkido, because I feel much the same way, except I didn't train it nearly as long as you did before discovering BJJ.
ReplyDeleteI think if you are doing what feels right for you ,and you couldn't be more satisfied at the end of the day, then you are on the correct path. Hapkido will always be a part of who you are, so no tattoo removal is necessary, and I don't think it's disrespectful to your roots to move beyond them, if that is what will best serve you.
I know I'm a jiu-jitsu fighter, and I think you know that you are, too. ;)
Josh,
ReplyDeleteNice post brother. I can tell that came from the heart and it deserves a response.
When I was a kid I spent countless hours playing baseball with a group of kids in a vacant lot in our neighborhood. We were all on the same little league team and we LOVED the game. We won the little league championships a bunch of times and most of us went on to play for the youth traveling baseball team in Hastings. During those years on the traveling team I became disenfranchised with the game mostly due to my relationship, or lack thereof, with the coach. Eventually I quit the team and did not make it to the next level team when I tried out. I had always played other sports as well, so I focused more on soccer and took up swimming.
To me it seems like you’ve become disenfranchised with Hapkido for some similar reasons; your relationship with your instructor isn’t what it used to be, you want to begin competing in BJJ to test yourself, the culture of BJJ is attractive. Honestly brother, just look at your behavior over the past 2 years and you will have the answer to your question. You are Josh, who knows Hapkido and focuses on BJJ. You are a sum of your parts good sir. Don’t pretend like your Hapkido hasn’t influenced your BJJ game. When we start standing your Hapkido gets the better of me almost every time and you make wrist lock attempts on occasion, and apparently you still teach Hapkido. People change over time as they grow. You are a good balanced person and you have grown, your priorities are different but that doesn’t lessen the value of what you have done in the past.
Let me put it like this. I still have my baseball glove, cards, and hit up batting cages on occasion. Don’t get rid of your tattoo, add to the story of your life. Teach your kids Hapkido and BJJ. Teach me how to do those wrist locks.
That’s my opinion anyway,
Bauer
Josh,
DeleteYour Hapkido and BJJ training need not be mutually exclusive. I trained Goju Ryu Karate for over twenty years before I discovered Daitoryu Aikijujutsu (parent of Hapkido). Though I don't go to Karate class anymore, I still train my kata and kiso kumite and bunkai...a few times a week. Instead of substituting one art for the other, I truly know that they have, instead, augmented each other. Now, I am sixty-something years old, and truthfully, the world is safe from my kicks, and I know how to spar and do karate kata a lot better than I can. With every joint now arthritic, and a spine full of stenosis, I have to cobble together both elements of Goju and Daitoryu, and hey...that's okay. Augmentation. Not replacement. Works for me.
In Budo,
Gary Gabelhouse
do what you enjoy, Josh. I've cut back in the arts that I began with. I still continue with them and use them from time to time with the newer arts I train. I think they compliment one another. I don't think you have to quit one for the other. I think they can co-exist with one another.
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone for taking the time to read and comment. I'm happy to have a support group that cares. Everyone gave good points and things to consider. Just writing this out became a form of therapy for me as it went through a couple of revisions.
ReplyDeleteI agree that Hapkido will continue to be a part of me for the rest of my life. The thing that has been difficult for me is figuring out how to go on teaching it, if in fact I want to do that. I have a couple of people that still look to me for instruction and I'm unsure how to proceed. Yes, I can go either way and I should do what I enjoy, I'm just not sure where to draw the line yet.
Thanks again for reading!